tank_rockarms | #57 - Christmas Presents

~~Oh god I spent 2 hours on this oh my god~~

Gifts inside for: Andy, Jake, Rachel, Lash, Maxwell, Bulba, Char, Nyx, Blastoise, Mac, Raiden, Knuckles, Green, Sasha, Vinnie, Sonnie, Other Red Team Members & Red, Brock, Captain Falcon, Footballs Team Members, and SECRET SANTA PIT

Andy: A box of protein bars (chocolate) and a wrench set with allen wrenches, regular wrenches, and socket wrenches, but in red.

Jake: A box of protein bars (chocolate mint) and a set of nice headphones, the noise canceling sort.

Rachel: A box of lady-type protein bars (chocolate cherry almond) and a red sweater that he thinks is in your size that he also thinks is sort of ugly but is told that it is fashionable.

Lash: A box of lady-type protein bars (cookie dough) and a wrench set with allen wrenches, regular wrenches, and socket wrenches (like Andy's, but in purple).

Maxwell: A box of protein bars (cookies and cream) and a six-pack of Orange Star Soda, this time without the booze.

Bulba: A box of protein bars (lemon) and your very own tank top (black, with an ivysaur on it) and fingerless lifting gloves for when you work out with Max.

Char: A box of protein bars (vanilla almond) and a donut pillow and three more bags of marshmallows, a couple giant chocolate bars and a box of graham crackers.

Blastoise: A box of protein bars (chocolate), a freakishly detailed workout routine for you that details everything you need to do for the next six months by the hour and Max's "realistic" goals for you, and a pair of sunglasses.

Nyx: A box of lady-type protein bars (chocolate peanut butter) and that same sweater that Rachel got ~~awwww yeah givin' all of Alice's characters the same thing~~, but in purple this time mostly because Max is terrible at knowing what to give ladies.

Mac: A box of protein bars (peanut butter) and a freakishly detailed workout routine for you that details everything you need to do for the next six months by the hour and Max's "realistic" goals for you.

Knuckles: A box of protein bars (lemon) and a pair of sunglasses like Blastoise's, only with the frames in red, and since it's Christmas, a bunch of dried fruit like figs and dates.

Raiden: A box of protein bars (chocolate mint) and a pair of fingerless lifting gloves with a coupon for 40 pounds of pure muscle.

Green: A box of protein bars (chocolate) and holofoil charizard, ivysaur, blastoise, and gengar pokemans trading cards.

Sasha: A box of lady-type protein bars (chocolate cherry almond) and a… Eurythmics Greatest Hits CD ??? (??)

Vinnie: A box of protein bars (peanut butter) (SCREW NOT EATING FOOD, EAT THESE AND BE A MAN), a black tank top with a bulbasaur on it (sorry, they were out of venusaurs at the store), and after getting that note about not having a job, a note taped to the outside that says "if you need a job and wanna join the army, I can get you a job"

Sonny Moe: Six boxes of protein bars (every non-lady-type flavor)

Other Red Team Members & Red: Two variety packs of protein bars and for Red (sorry, no holofoil, Max couldn't afford this many holofoil cards) charizard, venusaur, squirtle, snorlax, lapras and espion pokemon trading cards.

Brock: A box of protein bars (vanilla almond) and a black tank top with an onix on it.

Captain Falcon: A box of protein bars (cookie dough) and these phoenix tank tops that Max thinks can pass as a falcon (he got you both, he couldn't make up his mind which one to get).

Footballs Team: A box of protein bars (of various sorts, lady-types for ladytypes, just regular protein bars for guytypes, your choice as to what kind).

SECRET SANTA Pit: A box of protein bars (that you got for being on the football team) and the thing he gives every single year as a secret Santa to guys who need more muscles (re: almost everyone). A dumbbell set with enough weights to get each weight up to 50 pounds. Which means there's 100 pounds of metal disks with a couple of bars and some things to screw onto the ends in a box outside of your door with a note that says "From your secret Santa. Work your way up!" You will never guess who gave you this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[What is this CD...she listens to it curiously.

Unfortunately the bars are not eaten as they are sweet and ick. SORRY MAX.]

::May I quote this very important part to you:

"mostly because Max is terrible at knowing what to give ladies."

There we are.::

[You get a+ for effort but you do not want barfing Charizards.]

[Max you realize you are going to have to have the biggest s'morefest with him. And he is going to weep bitter tears when you drag him to the weight room to work all that junk food off.

That pillow is ridiculous, but nevertheless has a new place of honor in his room. ~~And then it started floating.~~]

::Yes, Char. Last year he got you an extendable roasting fork for a reason. And have fun with that super workout time.::

::You got the pillow specifically for its ridiculousness factor. And also because it's a donut pillow that will be easier on your rear.::

[NEVER ENOUGH WRENCHES.]

::Max is tired of you and Andy fighting over wrenches. NEVER AGAIN.::

[He'll... wait to see what the protein bars do to another member of the team before he tries them]

::TURN THEM INTO MEN IS WHAT::

[He'll eat the protein bars cuz they were a gift. Plus, he could use whatever boost he could get these days. They were surprisingly tasty.

Too bad black is his least favourite colour, because he wouldn't have be adverse to wearing a Bulbasaur shirt.

As for the note... well. He still wasn't in any condition for rigorous physical exercise right now, but he had to think about it. Maybe.]

::WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING IT. ALL THE TIME.::

[sob Max, he's going to follow this routine like a religion.]

::GOOD. SOON MAX WILL MOLD YOU IN HIS OWN IMAGE.::

[The protein bars are probably the one foodstuff he does not eat this holiday season.

But those shirts hot damn they speak right to his terrible fashion sense.]

::They are good for you and a real man would eat them all.

And Max is so happy. They also spoke to his terrible fashion sense of 'manly' things.::

[Samus ate them all.]

[hnnn these protein bars sure are really sweet.

Also it took her like five minutes to figure out which end of the sweater was the top. She may or may not ever actually put it on.]

::They're protein bars... that's sort of how they come. It was either that or 'awful and chalky' so... if you want some awful and chalky ones he can get you some of those.

And the sweater... uhhh... fashionable??? Max has no idea how to shop for women.::

[At least Rachel doesn't mind sweet things, so those won't go to waste.

She kind of agrees on the fact that the sweater's a little bit ugly. But it's not bad, and she'll wear it at least to be polite.]

::HURRAH FOR BEING POLITE.::

[This is

the best tank top

in the entire history of tank tops]

::I don't know, Max's Charizard one is pretty badass.::

[He is nomming on a protein bar right now and oh. Oh my gosh. This tank top. THIS TANK TOP. THESE GLOVES.

THIS IS. BADASS.]

::IT IS. TOTALLY. BADASS.

COME BE A BADASS WITH MAX.::

[OKAY.]

[The gloves. Make him feel so cool. ~~Almost like (http://blog.timesunion.com/tech/files/2009/10/powerglove.jpg)~~ Max you are best bro.]

::Max is the best bro now you have to put in the work to get that 40 pounds of muscles::

[Believe it or not, Green has actually never had a Pokemon card before this. He keeps them in his desk along with with the protein bars which he snacks on throughout the day]

::Andy loves the things so Max has seen a lot of them. He probably had Andy's help in getting the ones that he wanted.::

Thanks buddy! I'm glad you noticed I like the lemon ones best - dried fruit is always good for a snack on the go too! These Sunglasses look kinda like Blast's - Hey! If you have a pair like these too, we can all match!

Yeah, I got a pair with orange frames.

[This is a sign... he must be losing his touch. DID ZEUS BRING HIM THESE. TIME FOR SOME HARSH TRAINING. DUMBELL TRAINING.]

#57 - Christmas Presents

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