#35

[tank_rockarms]

Hey, it's almost time for football season to start up. Captain Falcon, sir, when does practice start? Shouldn't we have been practicin' since like August 1st? Or like July? Sir? If we wanna win again, we need to be in top shape.

And speakin' of football, we're gonna need some more people on the line. We lost Big and we lost 'Cane and we probably lost some others, too. I'm lookin' for big, beefy types. Muscular or chubby. Don't worry if you're fat, I'll turn you into a god of muscle and sinew, promise. You may still have a tummy, though. But you'll have really great arms and pecs and quads, promise. Blastoise, you need to tell everybody how good I work with you on your pecs and your arms.

Knuckles mentioned somebody named Bowser Junior who might be good for the team? Said you were a tank on legs? That's right up my alley. Whoever you are, if you want to play football I'll teach you whatever you need to know.

And we lost the quarterback from last year, he's teachin' sex ed now. I don't think he can play anymore. So we need a quarterback, too. So if you can throw you need to come to practice, too.

Also we can use skinny types to run the ball and stuff. Or girls. We take girls, too, not just guys. I don't think we got any beefy girls, really. But you can run the ball and stuff.

Comments

[raced_god]

We've been practicing in spirit, okay.

Labor Day weekend, but it sounds like you've been ready for a while now.

You know, now that Ganondorf's moved up, I'm going to need a new captain.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

I'm always ready for physical stuff, sir.

Oh, so you wanna talk about who you think would be a good captain, sir? We can do that, yeah. Who were you thinkin' of, sir? Knuckles? He's got good work ethic, sir, people like him, too.

But maybe if we're gonna talk about this you should make it private. I ain't too good at that sorta thing, sir.

Prrrriiivate

[raced_god]

There. It's private now.

I was thinking of you, actually.

Re: Prrrriiivate

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

... sir?

Re: Prrrriiivate

[raced_god]

Yes?

Re: Prrrriiivate

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

You want me to be team captain, sir?

Re: Prrrriiivate

[raced_god]

Well...yeah. You're a hard worker, a great player, and you care a lot about the team. Not to mention the fact that you're a good leader.

Re: Prrrriiivate

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Sir, are you, in your office right now, sir?

Re: Prrrriiivate

[raced_god]

Yes, I am, why?

Re: Prrrriiivate

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::There is no reply from Max for several minutes::

::But then you hear it. It is the sound of heavy boots coming down the hallway. And they are coming fast.::

::is the door unlocked? It had better be because if it isn't it's coming open anyway::

::you have about two seconds::

Re: Prrrriiivate

[raced_god]

[LUCKILY Falcon is the FASTEST BITCH ALIVE and makes it to the door JUST in time to FLING IT OPEN

BUT IS HE FAST ENOUGH TO STOP MAX.]

Re: Prrrriiivate

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::something about an object in motion, blah blah blah, etc, blah blah blah, you're being tackled by Max now::

::You probably shouldn't have gone up to the door::

[raced_god]

[Probably not. For now they both go crashing into the desk where Falcon certainly feels his everything threatening to break under 400 pounds of Max.]

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::and now your everything is threatening to break under Max wrapping his arms around you and squeezing::

::you are being hugged by more muscles than you had imagined existed in the world::

::and yet here they are, together, present in one person::

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoutyankyouyouwon'tregretitsirthankyou

[raced_god]

[Oh God Falcon is drowning in muscles and for someone like Falcon that is saying something.]

Max

Max

I can't breathe.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Sir!

::Max's hug changes from 100% to just 10%, breathing reinstated, body functions return to normal::

Sorry 'bout that, sir.

[raced_god]

[This is Falcon trying to wiggle out from under you, Max.]

It's...it's okay, Max. It's really...okay.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::this is Max still hugging you::

Sir, I'll be the best team captain you've ever had, sir, thank you so much sir, I'm honored, sir, this is great news, sir, do I get a special uniform, sir?

[raced_god]

I know you will, Max. I know you will. That's why I asked you.

Uh...You can pick your number?

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

But sir, numbers are determined by position played. You aren't gonna make me quarterback, are you? I ain't made for that, sir.

[raced_god]

You don't have to be quarterback to be captain.

I don't know, we don't have a special uniform for the captain, so I thought I'd give you another privilege. Ganondorf was 69.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Oh, alright sir. I'll think of a good number.

I don't think I'm gonna be number 69, though. Doesn't seem appropriate.

[raced_god]

I know you will.

Yeah. It's not. Pick a better number.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Sir, I will, sir.

I'm... Sir... I'm your man, sir.

::HUG, IT IS OF THE ORIGINAL BONE CRUSHIN' VARIETY AGAIN::

[raced_god]

[Ohgodmyribs.]