#62

[tank_rockarms]

My name's Maximilian Justice Powers, and I'm comin' clean. Don't think anybody here even knows my full name.

My dad died when I was 12 in a border skirmish with Blue Moon. My mom washed laundry for a living to support me and her. I was a crummy kid after my dad died, and I never did what my mom told me to do. I got into the wrong sorta people at school. I'm sorry I did that now, and I don't think I ever told her after I grew up. Army straightened me out when I was 16.

When I was 15 I used anabolic steroids for about a year, maybe a year and a half. I was a big, angry kid, they made me bigger and angrier. When I got into the army I had to get clean. Been clean ever since. But I always tell people I'm all natural. I am. But I wasn't always.

Killed three men when I was 17. I learned to stop countin' after that. But I'm probably directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of army men. I'll tell you it was for a good cause, that it was done in the defense of the people of Macroland and Omegaland. But I ain't gonna lie and tell you I ain't killed before. 'Cause I have.

My best friend Grit and I were in love with the same woman, Nell. She's now my boss. And she's married to my best friend. When she asked me if I was okay with her marryin' my best friend I lied and told her I was. I wasn't. When Grit asked me to be his best man I said I was happy for him. I wasn't. I sat there and I cried as I hugged him and told him I was happy for him when I wasn't. I think he knew, though. We both pretended it we both didn't know, though. Sometimes its hard to go back home and see them together.

One time for a week I was Green's Blastoise and another time for a week I was Bulba. If at some time you ever thought one of them was actin' weird for a week, it was probably 'cause we'd switched bodies. I guess that happens a lot here. But I didn't tell nobody when it happened to me.

If I ever told you somethin' that wasn't true, I'm sorry. If you want to ask me somethin' about me, now's your chance.

[Private level 1 to Green]
We need to talk. You know why.
[/Private to Green]

Comments

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

We're Pokemon, Max. Once a human decides we belong to him, we basically exist entirely for his sake. Nobody's s'posed to be more important than your trainer. The farther your attention strays from him, the less you're reliable, so the less you're worth to him. Like, uh... you got a chunk of metal, and you wanna make a shield out of it. The thinner you spread it, the more people you can cover, but it gets easier to crack the shield, right?

Loyalty's the same thing. You answer to somebody else, you're not just fallin' short, you're disrespectin' your trainer, too.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::Staring::

But I had to run everything through Red. And Red gave his okay for it. Red wasn't gonna do. . . all that to Vinnie, was he?

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

He didn't really have a choice in that, did he? It was Vinnie's call to agree to follow you instead. Even if he said no, Vinnie can't be in your army, that decision already told Red "this is how much my loyalty costs, and this guy here just bought it from you".

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well.

So. I shoulda offered the job to Red instead?

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Nah, I ain't gettin' on your case over it. In case you ain't noticed, I ain't a big fan of the guy, so I'm basically lovin' this shit.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

So, uh, you ain't ever gonna take a job from me, are you.

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Why would I ever wanna do that in the first place?

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Got me. Sudden interest in learnin' how to fly a battle copter?

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

[Char just. Flares his wings.]

Good try, but I think I already got it covered.

Even if I did have a reason, you're right that I wouldn't go makin' you my new boss. Green had to work like seven freakin' years 'til I was willin' to bow down to him. I ain't makin' a joke of that price by givin' myself off to somebody else for free.

I GUESS THE BLOOM IS OFF THE ROSE NOW

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, I don't know. I figured learnin' to serve on a submarine wouldn't be any good, and with that tail you probably wouldn't do well cramped up in a tank.

So then. I accidentally deflowered ruined Vinnie.

dohohoho

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Nice job breakin' it, hero.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah. Well, that ain't everything I need to tell you, so you can stop gloatin' about me bein' the end of Red's team.

Just so you know, I was the guy who told Bulba.

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

What.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

I'm the guy who told Bulba what he did durin' that week. So if you wanna punch me for tellin' him then get it over with.

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

[He was gonna attempt to take Vinnie's advice to heart and ignore the violent gut reaction, but. Explicit verbal permission. So just this once, he's gonna go for it.

Except Char only comes up to like... barely Max's shoulder. Maybe even below that.]

...Lean down here so I can punch you in the face.

Char shatters his hand in 3... 2...

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

I'd prefer if you went for the chin instead of the nose, just so I don't get blood everywhere, but that's your choice.

::Max gets down on one knee so he'll present a level playing field to Char.::

::There's his big stupid Max face, all big and stupid and ready for punching.::

Imagine a sound like a Precious Moments figurine breaking

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Suck it up. You deserve a hell of a lot more than a little nosebleed.

[So Char cocks his fist back, and throws the mightiest punch he can. His hand shatters instantly and Max maybe feels a delicte butterfly kiss.]

That's a little too manly for Char, I think

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

::And so Max was punched in the face. Max's face refused to yield and so it dissolved Char's hand into dust Max reached up to feel the eyebrow where Char had struck him. There was a attractive trickle of blood that he wiped away with the back of his hand.::

Thanks for not goin' for the nose. Or do you just have crummy aim?

Now do you want me to tell you why I did what I did.

Cut him some slack, he's been practicing

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Not until I tell you why it was a retarded idea and you're a jackass for doin' it.

First of all, it didn't have fuck-all to do with you. You keep on bargin' your way into our business, thinkin' you know what's best for Bulba. You did it when Bulba came out to me, and you just made things a hell of a lot worse between us. Think about who you're dealin' with before you go shovin' your heavyhanded idea of right and wrong in his face, alright?

He wasn't ready to hear that. The kid ain't never done anything wrong in his life. The only times he's ever hurt somebody, it's been because Green's been orderin' him to! You've seen how bad Bulba blames himself for things that ain't even his fault. I mean, shit. The guy took Green goin' on a freakin' vacation to Simmoh like he'd personally run Green out or something! How in the hell could you expect him to be equipped to handle havin' a bombshell like yours dropped on him?!

Poorly, I might add.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

And when was he gonna be ready to hear it? A month? A year? You saw what was happenin' to him. He looked like death warmed over. Nervous and on edge and like he hadn't slept in a month. Every day I watched him look worse. I couldn't sit there and know the answer to why he was havin' problems and not tell him. So I told him. Because I believed in him.

And you know what, he went and he did a really stupid, dumb thing after I told him. And I'm sorry that after I stood there with him for like an hour that he said he wanted to be alone that I let him be alone. I shoulda walked him straight to Vinnie or Green's room so he could've talked about it with the two of them. But he didn't want that. I told him that I believed he was better than this. And that I believed in him. And I still do.

And that's why I told him. I told him because I believed he was stronger than this. Because even though he worries that kid works through everything.

::At this point Max stands up again::

I told him because if he never knew he'd never know how to get outta it. You can't fight the enemy you can't see.

I'm sorry he hurt himself after I told him; I wish I'd been there to stop it. I ain't sorry I told him, though. You can tell me to butt outta things with you guys, but you're my friends and when my friends hurt the only thing I know how to do is to try and help.

I talked with Bulba about it after. He's. Glad ain't the word but. He thinks what I did was the right thing to do. That's all I can say about it.

And you know what? When I went up to you about Bulba? Maybe I was an idiot for doin' it but I only did it because I believed in you, too.

ouch

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he's a tough kid, but he's goin' from never wishin' harm on nobody to bein' told he killed a dude. You don't get a Charizard by bootin' a Charmander off a cliff and tellin' him he better grow some wings real quick. The kid ain't never gonna be the same. He's gonna spend the rest of his life with that other Bulba's sins on his back.

This is a kid who got to thinkin' bein' left behind for one trip means Green might not want him no more. You think that he'll be okay knowin' he just about offed his own trainer too because the truth will set you free? If you're already scared you ain't good enough, realizin' you've made yourself a threat is something that'll color every other wakin' moment.

SUDDENLY

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

That's what he said. He's gonna have to live with it the rest of his life. But he said it's getting easier now. He made a mistake in hurtin' himself and I made a mistake in not takin' him right to Vinnie and Green. I know that. And I'm sorry I did it.

Killin' your first guy is always the hardest one. It changes you. I dunno. He's got a good heart. With his team and his friends, he'll be okay.

I'm sorry I let him down, Green down, you down, by not takin' better care of him after. But I do think that the truth is what he needed. It's what we all need. The truth can hurt but it can heal, too.

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

The truth ain't gonna heal his flower, is it?

[Here is a frustrated sigh. Okay, okay. Not gonna get carried away on the pissed-off blame game thing.]

I know you ain't responsible for what Bulba chooses to do, but you gotta stop forcin' your way into shit like this. Yeah, I get you're our friend, and I get you're the big expert on the Right Thing to Do, but you go forcin' your solutions onto us prematurely, you might just do more harm than good. If Bulba had been ready to face that, you think he would have ended up rippin' out a piece of his most important part?

Yeah, he was hurtin' before, but temporary hurtin' does less harm in the long run than losin' something forever.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

I'd like to tell you I can stop myself from doin' stuff to try and help. But it ain't in me. It just ain't in me. Go ask the guys I work with. I'm headstrong and stupid. It's what I do.

And when Bulba killed Vinnie, he lost somethin' forever that was causin' the temporary hurt. And it'd go on causin' that hurt until he knew and until he could bring it up to the light and deal with it. You kill a guy, you kill a lotta guys, you gotta learn how to deal with it, how to live with yourself. Or you go crazy from the inside. Hidin' it away, don't work. I've seen too many guys who did that to just have it eat 'em up from the inside.

[blazinglizard.livejournal.com]

Maybe it couldn't stay secret forever, whatever. But you went pullin' it out of him too early, Max. That's what I'm sayin'. Trust me, there ain't a damn soul out there who cares if it's just your nature. You dropped a bomb on somebody that was never yours to drop, so don't act all bewildered and innocent when the kid gets burned by it.

I don't go messin' around with your army guys, even if I might think I know better'n you, do I? So maybe you'd just better stop and fuckin' think before you trample my little brother under your well-meanin' feet in your haste to save the friggin' day, alright?

[Char, what happened to that not getting pissed off thing? That was a very short-lived attempt to stay Calm and Agreeable.]