tank_rockarms

Entry tags:

god vinnie are you happy now

#62

My name's Maximilian Justice Powers, and I'm comin' clean. Don't think anybody here even knows my full name.

My dad died when I was 12 in a border skirmish with Blue Moon. My mom washed laundry for a living to support me and her. I was a crummy kid after my dad died, and I never did what my mom told me to do. I got into the wrong sorta people at school. I'm sorry I did that now, and I don't think I ever told her after I grew up. Army straightened me out when I was 16.

When I was 15 I used anabolic steroids for about a year, maybe a year and a half. I was a big, angry kid, they made me bigger and angrier. When I got into the army I had to get clean. Been clean ever since. But I always tell people I'm all natural. I am. But I wasn't always.

Killed three men when I was 17. I learned to stop countin' after that. But I'm probably directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of army men. I'll tell you it was for a good cause, that it was done in the defense of the people of Macroland and Omegaland. But I ain't gonna lie and tell you I ain't killed before. 'Cause I have.

My best friend Grit and I were in love with the same woman, Nell. She's now my boss. And she's married to my best friend. When she asked me if I was okay with her marryin' my best friend I lied and told her I was. I wasn't. When Grit asked me to be his best man I said I was happy for him. I wasn't. I sat there and I cried as I hugged him and told him I was happy for him when I wasn't. I think he knew, though. We both pretended it we both didn't know, though. Sometimes its hard to go back home and see them together.

One time for a week I was Green's Blastoise and another time for a week I was Bulba. If at some time you ever thought one of them was actin' weird for a week, it was probably 'cause we'd switched bodies. I guess that happens a lot here. But I didn't tell nobody when it happened to me.

If I ever told you somethin' that wasn't true, I'm sorry. If you want to ask me somethin' about me, now's your chance.

[Private level 1 to Green]
We need to talk. You know why.
[/Private to Green]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's an opt-out clause once he's paid everything off. It ain't forever.

Anyway, livin' on a mountain I bet it'd be handy if Red had somebody that knew how to fly a helicopter and field dress a deer.

Where the hell is Red gonna get a helicopter?

... I dunno. Maybe someone will give him one sometime. Anyway, survival skills would be good for livin' on a mountain.

I'm sure their lives are gonna be forever changed.

Gotta say, though, I never thought you'd be the kinda guy to stick a dude in a position like that.

What do you mean? You mean that I'd make him pay for somethin'? He damaged a lot of people's stuff when he was an Ivysaur that week. Not just my tank, but he broke a lot of people's windows. He ain't got any way to repay all of those people who now gotta pay for new windows.

It ain't just so he can repay me. He was a guy livin' and knowin' that he wrecked a lot of people's stuff but had no way to fix it. I gave him a way to fix it.

And anyway, he's sorta useless as a pokemon right now. I'm teachin' him a different way to fight. He said it'd make him useful.

Don't say useless, Max.

["Useless" Vinnie has been kicking Char's ass up and down the block, you see, and that is ten times more masculinity-crushing than getting his ass kicked by regular Vinnie.]

I ain't sayin' it's messed up that you're makin' him own up for what the other him did. I'm talkin' about makin' him pick between his trainer and his sense of right and wrong. Vinnie lettin' you buy his loyalty cheapens what Red had to do to earn it. He's puttin' another human before his trainer now, and he's less of a Pokemon for it.

...S'a pretty clever move, all things considered. I'm kinda impressed. I'd always figured you were too much of a goody two-shoes for that kinda thing.

Useless his his words, not mine.

And what? I did what?

::He doesn't get it.::

We're Pokemon, Max. Once a human decides we belong to him, we basically exist entirely for his sake. Nobody's s'posed to be more important than your trainer. The farther your attention strays from him, the less you're reliable, so the less you're worth to him. Like, uh... you got a chunk of metal, and you wanna make a shield out of it. The thinner you spread it, the more people you can cover, but it gets easier to crack the shield, right?

Loyalty's the same thing. You answer to somebody else, you're not just fallin' short, you're disrespectin' your trainer, too.

::Staring::

But I had to run everything through Red. And Red gave his okay for it. Red wasn't gonna do. . . all that to Vinnie, was he?

He didn't really have a choice in that, did he? It was Vinnie's call to agree to follow you instead. Even if he said no, Vinnie can't be in your army, that decision already told Red "this is how much my loyalty costs, and this guy here just bought it from you".

Oh. Well.

So. I shoulda offered the job to Red instead?

Nah, I ain't gettin' on your case over it. In case you ain't noticed, I ain't a big fan of the guy, so I'm basically lovin' this shit.

So, uh, you ain't ever gonna take a job from me, are you.

Why would I ever wanna do that in the first place?

Got me. Sudden interest in learnin' how to fly a battle copter?

[Char just. Flares his wings.]

Good try, but I think I already got it covered.

Even if I did have a reason, you're right that I wouldn't go makin' you my new boss. Green had to work like seven freakin' years 'til I was willin' to bow down to him. I ain't makin' a joke of that price by givin' myself off to somebody else for free.

Yeah, well, I don't know. I figured learnin' to serve on a submarine wouldn't be any good, and with that tail you probably wouldn't do well cramped up in a tank.

So then. I accidentally ~~deflowered~~ ruined Vinnie.

Nice job breakin' it, hero.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that ain't everything I need to tell you, so you can stop gloatin' about me bein' the end of Red's team.

Just so you know, I was the guy who told Bulba.

What.

I'm the guy who told Bulba what he did durin' that week. So if you wanna punch me for tellin' him then get it over with.

[He was gonna attempt to take Vinnie's advice to heart and ignore the violent gut reaction, but. Explicit verbal permission. So just this once, he's gonna go for it.

Except Char only comes up to like... barely Max's shoulder. Maybe even below that.]

...Lean down here so I can punch you in the face.

I'd prefer if you went for the chin instead of the nose, just so I don't get blood everywhere, but that's your choice.

::Max gets down on one knee so he'll present a level playing field to Char.::

::There's his big stupid Max face, all big and stupid and ready for punching.::

Suck it up. You deserve a hell of a lot more than a little nosebleed.

[So Char cocks his fist back, and throws the mightiest punch he can. ~~His hand shatters instantly and Max maybe feels a delicte butterfly kiss.~~]

Edited 2011-04-27 01:03 (UTC)

::And so Max was punched in the face. ~~Max's face refused to yield and so it dissolved Char's hand into dust~~ Max reached up to feel the eyebrow where Char had struck him. There was a ~~attractive~~ trickle of blood that he wiped away with the back of his hand.::

Thanks for not goin' for the nose. ~~Or do you just have crummy aim?~~

Now do you want me to tell you why I did what I did.

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I GUESS THE BLOOM IS OFF THE ROSE NOW

dohohoho

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Char shatters his hand in 3... 2...

Imagine a sound like a Precious Moments figurine breaking

That's a little too manly for Char, I think