tank_rockarms

Entry tags:

god vinnie are you happy now

#62

My name's Maximilian Justice Powers, and I'm comin' clean. Don't think anybody here even knows my full name.

My dad died when I was 12 in a border skirmish with Blue Moon. My mom washed laundry for a living to support me and her. I was a crummy kid after my dad died, and I never did what my mom told me to do. I got into the wrong sorta people at school. I'm sorry I did that now, and I don't think I ever told her after I grew up. Army straightened me out when I was 16.

When I was 15 I used anabolic steroids for about a year, maybe a year and a half. I was a big, angry kid, they made me bigger and angrier. When I got into the army I had to get clean. Been clean ever since. But I always tell people I'm all natural. I am. But I wasn't always.

Killed three men when I was 17. I learned to stop countin' after that. But I'm probably directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of army men. I'll tell you it was for a good cause, that it was done in the defense of the people of Macroland and Omegaland. But I ain't gonna lie and tell you I ain't killed before. 'Cause I have.

My best friend Grit and I were in love with the same woman, Nell. She's now my boss. And she's married to my best friend. When she asked me if I was okay with her marryin' my best friend I lied and told her I was. I wasn't. When Grit asked me to be his best man I said I was happy for him. I wasn't. I sat there and I cried as I hugged him and told him I was happy for him when I wasn't. I think he knew, though. We both pretended it we both didn't know, though. Sometimes its hard to go back home and see them together.

One time for a week I was Green's Blastoise and another time for a week I was Bulba. If at some time you ever thought one of them was actin' weird for a week, it was probably 'cause we'd switched bodies. I guess that happens a lot here. But I didn't tell nobody when it happened to me.

If I ever told you somethin' that wasn't true, I'm sorry. If you want to ask me somethin' about me, now's your chance.

[Private level 1 to Green]
We need to talk. You know why.
[/Private to Green]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's in basic trainin' right now for the Orange Star Army. So he's a private for me.

He can't swim worth a darn, I'm tryin' to get him to pass his swim test.

'Course he can't swim, he's a fatass Venusa--

[WAIT.]

You stuck him in the army?

Yeah, what other kinda job am I gonna give him? Lemonade stand?

How the hell did you manage that? He's already got a trainer, Max.

I had to run it through Red. If I need to deploy him, unless it's an emergency, I gotta run it through him. Sorta annoying but that's what we had to do.

Woulda figured a Venusaur'd be more loyal than that. So he's gotta do anything you tell him?

::Max shrugs::

I dunno. I don't know how loyal kinds of pokemon are. He hemmed and hawed over joinin' but I convinced him.

And yeah, I guess he's gotta do what I tell him to when I act as his CO.

Bulba's line is supposed to be crazy loyal. That's why they're such popular starters. Maybe it ain't like that for wild ones, if Vinnie's answerin' to another human now.

Anyway, you know you're sittin' on a real mine of potential, right? Why not have some fun with it?

::The little shrug that he did has given Max the idea of doing shoulder shrugs with his weights. So, now he's hunching his shoulders up and down. It would be comical if it didn't involve so many muscles.::

Yeah, see, this is my job, Char. If I dick around with him, he ain't ever gonna learn to respect me and my orders in the way a good soldier should.

::A slight pause.::

Though I haven't surprised him with a two AM emergency training session yet. Probably need to do a few of those.

Yes. Definitely do that.

[Nothing involving that many muscles is comical.]

You been thinkin' much about the long-term, though? This only 'til Vinnie pays for your tank, or is it one of those "you join the army and you're stuck for years" things? Because Red's gonna fuck off back to that boring-ass mountain sooner or later.

There's an opt-out clause once he's paid everything off. It ain't forever.

Anyway, livin' on a mountain I bet it'd be handy if Red had somebody that knew how to fly a helicopter and field dress a deer.

Where the hell is Red gonna get a helicopter?

... I dunno. Maybe someone will give him one sometime. Anyway, survival skills would be good for livin' on a mountain.

I'm sure their lives are gonna be forever changed.

Gotta say, though, I never thought you'd be the kinda guy to stick a dude in a position like that.

What do you mean? You mean that I'd make him pay for somethin'? He damaged a lot of people's stuff when he was an Ivysaur that week. Not just my tank, but he broke a lot of people's windows. He ain't got any way to repay all of those people who now gotta pay for new windows.

It ain't just so he can repay me. He was a guy livin' and knowin' that he wrecked a lot of people's stuff but had no way to fix it. I gave him a way to fix it.

And anyway, he's sorta useless as a pokemon right now. I'm teachin' him a different way to fight. He said it'd make him useful.

Don't say useless, Max.

["Useless" Vinnie has been kicking Char's ass up and down the block, you see, and that is ten times more masculinity-crushing than getting his ass kicked by regular Vinnie.]

I ain't sayin' it's messed up that you're makin' him own up for what the other him did. I'm talkin' about makin' him pick between his trainer and his sense of right and wrong. Vinnie lettin' you buy his loyalty cheapens what Red had to do to earn it. He's puttin' another human before his trainer now, and he's less of a Pokemon for it.

...S'a pretty clever move, all things considered. I'm kinda impressed. I'd always figured you were too much of a goody two-shoes for that kinda thing.

Useless his his words, not mine.

And what? I did what?

::He doesn't get it.::

We're Pokemon, Max. Once a human decides we belong to him, we basically exist entirely for his sake. Nobody's s'posed to be more important than your trainer. The farther your attention strays from him, the less you're reliable, so the less you're worth to him. Like, uh... you got a chunk of metal, and you wanna make a shield out of it. The thinner you spread it, the more people you can cover, but it gets easier to crack the shield, right?

Loyalty's the same thing. You answer to somebody else, you're not just fallin' short, you're disrespectin' your trainer, too.

::Staring::

But I had to run everything through Red. And Red gave his okay for it. Red wasn't gonna do. . . all that to Vinnie, was he?

He didn't really have a choice in that, did he? It was Vinnie's call to agree to follow you instead. Even if he said no, Vinnie can't be in your army, that decision already told Red "this is how much my loyalty costs, and this guy here just bought it from you".

Oh. Well.

So. I shoulda offered the job to Red instead?

Nah, I ain't gettin' on your case over it. In case you ain't noticed, I ain't a big fan of the guy, so I'm basically lovin' this shit.

So, uh, you ain't ever gonna take a job from me, are you.

Why would I ever wanna do that in the first place?

Got me. Sudden interest in learnin' how to fly a battle copter?

Re: DAMN YOU AND YOUR LACK OF WIT

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