tank_rockarms

Entry tags:

god vinnie are you happy now

#62

My name's Maximilian Justice Powers, and I'm comin' clean. Don't think anybody here even knows my full name.

My dad died when I was 12 in a border skirmish with Blue Moon. My mom washed laundry for a living to support me and her. I was a crummy kid after my dad died, and I never did what my mom told me to do. I got into the wrong sorta people at school. I'm sorry I did that now, and I don't think I ever told her after I grew up. Army straightened me out when I was 16.

When I was 15 I used anabolic steroids for about a year, maybe a year and a half. I was a big, angry kid, they made me bigger and angrier. When I got into the army I had to get clean. Been clean ever since. But I always tell people I'm all natural. I am. But I wasn't always.

Killed three men when I was 17. I learned to stop countin' after that. But I'm probably directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of army men. I'll tell you it was for a good cause, that it was done in the defense of the people of Macroland and Omegaland. But I ain't gonna lie and tell you I ain't killed before. 'Cause I have.

My best friend Grit and I were in love with the same woman, Nell. She's now my boss. And she's married to my best friend. When she asked me if I was okay with her marryin' my best friend I lied and told her I was. I wasn't. When Grit asked me to be his best man I said I was happy for him. I wasn't. I sat there and I cried as I hugged him and told him I was happy for him when I wasn't. I think he knew, though. We both pretended it we both didn't know, though. Sometimes its hard to go back home and see them together.

One time for a week I was Green's Blastoise and another time for a week I was Bulba. If at some time you ever thought one of them was actin' weird for a week, it was probably 'cause we'd switched bodies. I guess that happens a lot here. But I didn't tell nobody when it happened to me.

If I ever told you somethin' that wasn't true, I'm sorry. If you want to ask me somethin' about me, now's your chance.

[Private level 1 to Green]
We need to talk. You know why.
[/Private to Green]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You also said that your trainer's name was Aiden and you spent a lotta time waitin' around in a daycare for pokemon guys waitin' for him.

[Oh god oh god OH NOOOO MAX REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.]

Why are you bringin' this up, Max?

I'm bringin' it up 'cause if that's somethin' maybe you were tryin' to keep a secret, if it really is you and not just somethin' made up, then, well. It's out there. You talked with me about it. I don't know who else you woulda said that sorta stuff to, but you didn't seem to know me all that well when you were a little charmander guy but you told me all about it.

[He could very easily just lie right now. Max would think that Kerosene was just a highly improbable what-if, just like Blastoise-Sasha and teenage lesbian Biomech. Max did kind of just spill every secret he had to the entire school, and that does not inspire a lot of confidence in his ability to keep things hidden.]

...It really is me, Max. That's my name.

[GODDAMNIT.]

Yeah. I remember the time you were a charmander when people turned into little kids. You pretty much acted the same back then, too. It felt like younger you.

So, why'd you change your name?

That stuff about Aiden and the daycare... that was all real, too. Only thing that's different is this me gave up on waitin'.

[This conversation is actually happening. He is spilling The Big Secret. There is like an 83% chance that 20 people are going to know his name within the year. HOW IS THIS LIFE.]

Aiden's the one who gave me my name. Green gave me a new one when he caught me.

Huh. All right. So your first trainer just left you at a pokemon kindergarten place, then Green took you in.

Well that makes sense. Why you'd be known by the name that Green gave you instead of the first guy who left you. I mean, until you found out how to turn into a human, you wouldn't even have had a way for Green to know you had an old trainer or name, would you?

::Max does a few more reps while he thinks. He's the sort of guy who thinks best while he does.::

I'll keep callin' you Char; I ain't gonna start to call you Kerosene or nothin'.

Fine by me. Wouldn't let you call me Kerosene if you wanted to, anyhow.

[That's... a surprisingly refreshing response, actually. No pressing inquiries about Aiden and his being left behind, and no demanding he justify keeping his name so secret.]

You mind... not tellin' people about all that stuff, though?

Yeah, I ain't gonna go blabbin' about it. It'd be weird callin' you Kerosene or Ker all the time. Not like I want you callin' me Maximilian or Justice anyway, right.

::Max has gone back to blasting his arms, bro.::

So. Let's move on. More stuff. To talk about.

You probably know. But I figure. I'd tell you anyway. Vinnie's. Workin' for me. I know. You hate him. But I gave him. A job. He owes me. A few thousand bucks. Because of. Crazy week. He trashed. My tank. So he's. Workin' it off.

[Char would offer to spot you, Max, but a Sonny Moe's worth of weights would probably kill him instantly.]

Wait, hold on. What? Vinnie's workin' for you?

[This is apparently more shocking than Vinnie trashing an entire tank.]

::It's dumbbells. You can't really spot that. Don't worry, it's only like half a Sonny Moe in each hand. That's totally not excessive in the least.::

Vinnie's workin' for me. He ruined my tank and he doesn't have a job. And he still owes me a new pair of pants. He couldn't even afford to buy me new pants, how was he gonna buy me new tank treads? So I'm makin' him work it off.

[They are like 500 pounds each. That warrants a spotter. Though that is probably trying to apply earth logic to Max's muscles which is an exercise in futility.]

So what's he doin' for you, then?

[Because Char is picturing Official Sweat Mopper or something.]

He's in basic trainin' right now for the Orange Star Army. So he's a private for me.

He can't swim worth a darn, I'm tryin' to get him to pass his swim test.

'Course he can't swim, he's a fatass Venusa--

[WAIT.]

You stuck him in the army?

Yeah, what other kinda job am I gonna give him? Lemonade stand?

How the hell did you manage that? He's already got a trainer, Max.

I had to run it through Red. If I need to deploy him, unless it's an emergency, I gotta run it through him. Sorta annoying but that's what we had to do.

Woulda figured a Venusaur'd be more loyal than that. So he's gotta do anything you tell him?

::Max shrugs::

I dunno. I don't know how loyal kinds of pokemon are. He hemmed and hawed over joinin' but I convinced him.

And yeah, I guess he's gotta do what I tell him to when I act as his CO.

Bulba's line is supposed to be crazy loyal. That's why they're such popular starters. Maybe it ain't like that for wild ones, if Vinnie's answerin' to another human now.

Anyway, you know you're sittin' on a real mine of potential, right? Why not have some fun with it?

::The little shrug that he did has given Max the idea of doing shoulder shrugs with his weights. So, now he's hunching his shoulders up and down. It would be comical if it didn't involve so many muscles.::

Yeah, see, this is my job, Char. If I dick around with him, he ain't ever gonna learn to respect me and my orders in the way a good soldier should.

::A slight pause.::

Though I haven't surprised him with a two AM emergency training session yet. Probably need to do a few of those.

Yes. Definitely do that.

[Nothing involving that many muscles is comical.]

You been thinkin' much about the long-term, though? This only 'til Vinnie pays for your tank, or is it one of those "you join the army and you're stuck for years" things? Because Red's gonna fuck off back to that boring-ass mountain sooner or later.

There's an opt-out clause once he's paid everything off. It ain't forever.

Anyway, livin' on a mountain I bet it'd be handy if Red had somebody that knew how to fly a helicopter and field dress a deer.

Where the hell is Red gonna get a helicopter?

... I dunno. Maybe someone will give him one sometime. Anyway, survival skills would be good for livin' on a mountain.

::BICEPS AND GLITTER::

[FAST CARS AND LOOSE WOMEN]

::WHAT ABOUT LOOSE CARS AND FAST WOMEN?::

[CAR-WOMEN AND LOOSE FASTNESS?]

::FASTING WOMEN AND CARING LOOSENESS?::

[WOMANLY LOOSENING AND FASTENING CARS]

CAROLING WOMEN AND LOOSELY FASTIDIOUSNESS

...BLACKJACK AND HOOKERS

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR WITTY BANTER

I RAN OUT OF WIT

DAMN YOU AND YOUR LACK OF WIT

Re: DAMN YOU AND YOUR LACK OF WIT

Re: DAMN YOU AND YOUR LACK OF WIT

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