tank_rockarms | ACKSHUN

ACKSHUN

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a valiant blue knight who rode atop a steed made out of orange iron. He was a mighty knight, and had slain many in battle.

But one day, an evil imp by the name of VINCENT. V. VINESON came out of the wooded forest glen and did several thousand dollars worth of damage to the muscular knight's equipage.

The brave knight took off after this vile svartálfar and soundly beat him to within an inch of his life, and also sprayed numerous effusions from his stomach upon the foul defiler of his sweet ride, because of the contemptible reprobate's noxious particulate matter.

Several days later, it came to the mind of the knight exactly who this wretched daemon might have been, and so, dear reader, he went to confront him.

Max knocked on Vinnie's door.

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"Vinnie's strapped for cash. I'm willing to give him a job. And I told him that I'd run it through you. I'm gonna take him and make him a reservist in my battalion. He'll get trainin' in how to use tanks, subs, fighter jets, intense physical challenges, the works," said Max. "And an honest paycheck. He still hasn't bought me a pair of pants and it's been like four months, that's how poor this guy is."

Wow, Max. There we go. Make Vinnie feel super cool.

"What?" ... No, really, what? "Pants...?" What do pants have to do with joining the army.

"Do you really need new pants that bad, Max, I could--" He was going to say 'I could buy you more pants' but 1) he was just as broke as Vinnie and 2) he didn't even know where to get size 57 pants. "Uh. Never mind."

Look this was a pretty big thing to drop on him out of nowhere, okay.

"Well, he owes me $3,500, too," added Max. "It ain't just pants."

SPUTTER. "Huh?" He stared at Vinnie like he was staring death in the face and he was way too pretty to die or something.

Red, you threw the last of your pocket change at Giovanni when Max broke down his door and you reasserted yourself as manliest man at Smash. We all know this.

Vinnie just sort of withered in shame and awkward.

"Vinnie's the one that smashed up everybody's cars last week. He ruined the treads of my tank," answered Max. "Caught him red-handed. Or vined, I guess."

Oh well then, that solves everything.

"Oh... ...???" You could hear all three of those question marks. Okay well everybody did weird things last week. He did weird things last week that he never wanted to think about again.

He stood there awkwardly. The Jeopardy theme song probably should have been playing. He's not really going to join the army of a foreign country just to make some money is he.

And so he looked at Vinnie, "What do you want to do?"

"Yeah, I was an Ivysaur again..." You know, the same Ivysaur you met that used to break construction equipment for a living and steal things from loggers as a hobby. That Ivysaur. He crossed his arms guiltily, staring at the floor.

"I just wanna be able to protect you if this weird school gets dangerous. I can't do that right now as a Venusaur, you know that... So I'll have to as a human.

"It's not about the money. But Max has the resources and equipment and shit, even if he's not as good as you."

He stared at Red, uncertain. Is this actually a good idea? Am I betraying you by considering this? How much worse can my life possibly get at this point?

Max nudged Vinnie gently with his elbow when Vinnie said that Max wasn't as good as Red. ~~Vinnie went flying across the room.~~ "I'm plenty good as a leader." This is a totally good idea; you are not betraying anyone; your life is only going to get better after this point.

Max continued. "I told Vinnie that I'd run deployin' him through you in case of an emergency. So you'd still have final say in if he went to war or not. But if he can't do nothin' like he says he can't as a pokemon then if somethin' happens to the school the best way for him to protect it is gonna be my way."

Max sort of coughed. "There... uh... may be a... small reduction in the range of any of Vinnie's long-range abilities while he's one of my guys. Just to warn you." Surprise! "Don't worry, I'll beef him up so he can just knock out whatever's comin' at him." Vinnie, you are going to spend a lot of time in the weight room with Max, getting totally jacked.

"And he'll learn valuable skills. I bet you always wanted a pokemon that could fly a helicopter or a stealth bomber."

Sorry but Red was basically ignoring Max. He heard the words coming out of Max's mouth, sure, but he was in a faraway place where he was trying to figure out what to do.

You know how parents can get all nervous and skittish when their kid tells them he's going to join the army? Yeah, it's like that. This wasn't about money or helicopters or tank treads or whatever, it was about doing the right thing.

Red didn't know what the right thing was. He kind of couldn't help but think that this was how his mom must have felt when he told her that he was going to leave and run around in the tall grass and win badges from strangers (some of which were creepy older men).

He also kind of wanted to punch Vinnie in the arm for implying he was totally useless but that's a story best saved for another time.

"Okay, look. If you're really sure that you want to go through with this, then I've got your back." Pause, "But if you don't want to, even a little, then you need to tell me."

So it was all on him. Great. Vinnie sucked in a breath and, for a moment, closed off his thoughts. He didn't need the nattering chorus of rationalization in his brain right now. If this was one of those pivotal moments of choice, ultimately the decision was his heart's.

Even if it didn't seem like it most times, Venusaurs were creatures of empathy. Their very roles within nature demanded it. He'd made decisions based on his heart before, and even if he regretted them, he knew that if he went through the same scenario again, he'd end up picking the same option every time. For better or worse, that's just who he was. So forget the hesitation.

"It's not about wanting t'do it," he stated finally, in all seriousness. "It's what I need t'do to help people.

"You know I'd still run out there t'fight anyone who needs fighting, even if I didn't enlist. But this way I might actually be able t'do some good instead'a getting fucked up and thrown off buildings and worrying everyone.

"I'm gonna come back a stronger Pokemon for you. I wanna make you proud. That's why..."

Vinnie's voice caught in his throat after that, and he couldn't say anything else.

Edited 2011-03-23 11:31 (UTC)

"I said some of the same stuff to my mom when I was fifteen, you know," Max said. Was there. Was there a tiny little tear in the corner of his eye?

"My dad died when I was twelve in one of the border skirmishes between Orange Star and Blue Moon that used to happen durin' the time before the alliance. I wasn't any good at school, and I knew that I was only good as an army brat. Told my mom that I was gonna do somethin' with my life, be like my dad, do somethin' for Orange Star, protect her and get her some money so she didn't have to work so hard."

"I was a punk kid when I was twelve, thirteen. After my dad died, didn't know what to do with myself. Heck, I even used to have little fake tattoos on my shoulders and arms all the time, sorta like you got, only yours ain't fake." Okay that was actually a tear in the corner of his eye. Wait it was rolling down his face, and there was another tear in his other eye now threatening to do the same thing.

"Wanted to protect my mom and country and be better for all of 'em. She didn't want me to do it; she'd already lost a husband she didn't wanna lose her only son, but it was the only way I knew how to do it right."

Max started sniffling like a giant, terrible, muscular baby, as he reached up with a finger to wipe the tears from his eyes.

Holy god, suddenly all that heartfelt stuff that came out of Vinnie's mouth was temporarily forgotten as he just turned to stare at Max. No, stare wasn't quite accurate. It was more like gawk.

Was Max crying.

Why was Max crying.

More than just a solitary tear, he was sniffling.

This was probably supposed to be a really touching moment, but for some reason it felt absurd that Max even had tear glands. Vinnie would've figured there was just... more muscle. For flexing his eyelids.

"Uh..." God help them if Max wanted to group hug.

"You already make me proud--" Red started and was promptly interrupted by Max's teary-eyed word-vomit.

He blinked once, twice, and tried to look like he wasn't as astonished as Vinnie.

This was the same guy that poked Giovanni's door with his pinky finger and made it disintegrate. And he was crying like some kind of giant, horrific baby. And he had a good reason to cry like some kind of giant, horrific baby.

"Uh... Max..." He would've patted him on the shoulder if he were taller. Were Red's eyes watering? No, that's crazy talk.

Max sniffed again. "Just somethin' in my eyes, ain't nothin'."

"No, ain't nothin' at all."

Max reached down to Vinnie and Red. And he caught them in his manly embrace. "That's the best reason to want to join the army, I'm so proud of you two." Those warm drops you may feel in your hair is just. . . excess testosterone that Max's body gets rid of through his eyes. That's all.

Man, Max. You need to stop being a giant ball of emotions.

And Max, it's not like Red is joining the army, too.

Or is he?

"..." Red was speechless, but that might have just been because all the air was being squeezed out of his lungs. Yeah, that sounds like a good reason to join the army.

"Max you're getting my hat wet," he managed to squeak out. In minutes his hat was going to look like he dropped it in the lake.

No, no that's right. Red's not joining the army, too.

Vinnie wheezed for breath as the liquid testosterone tears poured freely down. "Max. Please stop."

It was a strange and terrifying realization that came with this gigantic meat man's very personal outburst. The idea that he and Max were more similar than he thought... that was weird. Was he going to turn into someone exactly like him?

He gave Red a look, unsure to what his trainer would say. This wasn't something he wanted for life. He just wanted to do something for Red.

Vinnie, if you are lucky you will turn into someone exactly like Max.

Max let go of the two much smaller guys, releasing them from his muscular embrace. "Sorry, don't know what came over me," said Max, as he wiped the last of the testosterone-laced tears from his eyes.

~~Red's hat began to grow sideburns and chest hair.~~

"Just, you know. Same thing I told my mom. I should show you a picture of me when I was 13 (http://sbg.travelingorange.com/albums/userpics/He_Peaks_At_35_Better.png), you'd get a kick outta it." He totally would.

He caught Vinnie's look and sent him an equally wary one. It was almost like he knew what he was thinking, or something. But since he was nearing death there was not a whole lot he could do or say until Max stopped crushing his breathing organs.

AIR. PRECIOUS AIR. Red toppled to the ground, coughing and wheezing like a true champ. This is the most intimidating Pokemon Trainer in Kanto, everybody. Eventually (once oxygen began reaching his brain) he got to his feet but he was doubled over like, once again, a true champ.

That was probably like the most painful hug in his entire life, and a Snorlax is one of his best friends.

He looked at Vinnie again before he tried addressing Max. "So..." Oh, he was still having issues with the whole breathing thing. Hold on a second. "... So I've got the final say, right?"

"I'm just gonna assume I got a standin' order from you to train him on a regular schedule," said Max. "But for deployin' him in an actual emergency, I get your approval, first."

He paused. "Though if, like, we get attacked while trainin' I'd like to be able to not have to run off and get you to okay him fightin' back. But yeah, any other time, I ask you about deployment."

Max, if Red's lungs were collapsed from the sheer pressure of that hug, Vinnie was going to be kind of upset. He is so worried for his trainer's ribcage right now. And his spine. And while we were at it, his own chest cavity was trying to regain its normal shape.

"This is just until I can pay you back, right...?" No offense Max, but he already belonged to someone else. And the fact that young Max looked suspiciously similar to his jerk Ivysaur days was somewhat unnerving. He didn't have nearly enough history or patriotism for Orange Star to be interested in its politics. "I'm not lookin' to make a career of this like you..."

"I'll get you a standard three-year contract but with an opt-out clause that says when you've repaid me and the other people whose cars you busted, you can choose to leave."

"Or you can keep workin', your choice." In Max's mind, everyone should be a lifelong Orange Star careerist. "You got any sorta CO powers that show up and maybe I'm gonna try and convince you to keep on."

I don't know, you can make vines burst out of an entire battlefield and give your troops some sort of pollen-based bonus or something.

Vinnie let that information digest. Being able to leave, that was a good thing, right? Barring any more disasters that send him spiraling into debt, that is. He didn't know when his leaves would grow in - could be in a week, could be in a year, or never. Wasn't likely he'd manifest any sort of power. Grass was pretty awful against Steel anyway. ~~That pollen-based bonus was just hay fever.~~

"I really doubt that..." But as ever, the Venusaur looked to Red. His trainer always knew what would be best for him, right? He would know how to figure out contract thingers. It reassured him to let his boss have the final say.

Red, the wisest and most masculine of all human beings, show him the way.

The army was a foreign concept to Red and he would kind of like to keep it that way.

He was thinking really, really hard about this. There was probably smoke coming out of his ears. What he did know was that 3 years was a long time.

"... Okay. Basic training, just until the debt's settled. Is that okay?" He looked at Vinnie for an answer. After all, he was the one doing whatever basic training did, not Red.

Vinnie nodded to Red, with an air of solemness to him. "Yeah... I won't let you down."

He was quiet for a moment, before the impulse took over him too - his arms quickly wrapped around his trainer in a light hug. ~~Max wasn't invited.~~

The Venusaur just wanted to savour this one moment, close to Red, as he murmured into his hat, "Just... make sure the rest of the team doesn't freak out too much or something. I won't..." Clear throat. "I'll try not to do anything stupid."

Like get hurt or more mutilated or dead. Because that wasn't a promise he knew if he could keep, seeing how his luck was going at this school.

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ACKSHUN

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I WASN'T DONE, LJ

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BRB CRYING ONTO THE KEYBOARD

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f-finally...