ACKSHUN

[tank_rockarms]

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a valiant blue knight who rode atop a steed made out of orange iron. He was a mighty knight, and had slain many in battle.

But one day, an evil imp by the name of VINCENT. V. VINESON came out of the wooded forest glen and did several thousand dollars worth of damage to the muscular knight's equipage.

The brave knight took off after this vile svartálfar and soundly beat him to within an inch of his life, and also sprayed numerous effusions from his stomach upon the foul defiler of his sweet ride, because of the contemptible reprobate's noxious particulate matter.

Several days later, it came to the mind of the knight exactly who this wretched daemon might have been, and so, dear reader, he went to confront him.

Max knocked on Vinnie's door.

Comments

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

No, Vinnie. Max is not going to listen to you.

"How did you die? Why ain't you still dead?"

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"I just woke up not dead!" he hissed, as quietly as he could manage. "I'm fine! It doesn't matter anymore! Stop yelling!"

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Why did you die?"

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"If there is no more yelling I'll tell you, okay?! Fuckin' hell...!"

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Max stopped yelling. "Why did you die."

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

Vinnie's voice went down to a whisper. "Didn't have anything to do with the property damage. Someone just came after me because I was getting too friendly with Gr-- uh, another human.

"I mean, about as friendly as I got as an Ivysaur, anyway..."

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"You were nice to somebody? And who was jealous of you bein' nice to somebody?"

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"I didn't say nice. He just healed my limp and made me food, and I let him.

"It was a dumb reason to die over, it hurt like hell, and now I'm fine. Everyone's back to normal. Can you drop it now?"

Despite what he said, something about his expression suggested that Vinnie remembered a lot more about his killer and this dying process than he was comfortable with. And that he really didn't want to talk about it.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Max, still tightly holding the shoulders of Our Lord and Savior, kept peering right into his soul.

No, Vinnie. No, Max will never drop it. No, not ever.

"But how'd you die?"

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

Vinnie's face scrunched up into one of utter objection. Please stop right now.

"That's kind of private."

What is this I don't even

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Oh my god, you died while havin' sex?"

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Oh, that was not whispering anymore. Damn. he clamped his mouth shut as fast as he could, turning very red.

"No, don't be an idiot!"

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Well then why's it private if you didn't die while naked and tryin' to get off, then?"

Wow, Max, you have such a way with words.

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"First off, all Pokemon are naked, Max." He looked so unimpressed with you right now.

"Second, I don't want to talk about it. So let go."

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Well yeah, but it's not like I can see your junk."

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"...You don't have any idea how plants work, do you. Cuz you've definitely seen my flower before."

He's almost there

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Well yeah, I've seen your flower before," said Max. "But you're not." And then, gentle reader, a look crossed Max's face. A look of recognition. And he started saying something in a louder voice than his whisper voice.

"Gotta get a couple hours of sunshine in the morning or you feel terrible and can't eat nothin' even when you want to because you don't get most of your food that way, cause you're a bulbasaur and bulbasaur's get their food by sittin' around shirtless in the morning."

What is Max saying, is he talking to you about you being a bulbasaur? But you're not a bulbasaur.

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

"Max, I'm not a Bulbasaur," he pointed out helpfully, in his normal, explainy voice. "Most of that's true though. But I've got a flower. It's all connected to my spine and it gives me powers and lets me communicate with other flowers.

"Flowers are also for pollinating.

"Pollinating is how plants reproduce."

Do. You. Understand.

And we're here

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"I VOMITED IN YOUR JUNK?"

Yes. Yes, he understands.

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

And suddenly, everyone on the second floor boy's dorm was in the know as well.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT YELLING."

Not done yet

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"I GRABBED YOU BY YOUR JUNK AND PICKED YOU UP AND PUNCHED YOU WHILE I WAS HOLDIN' YOU UP BY YOUR JUNK?"

Evidently it was to keep yelling.

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. Vinnie just. Didn't have words anymore. They didn't work anymore. He tried to open his mouth and it was just nothing.

Exasperated silence more or less confirmed this haunting realization.

Yes, Max.

That entire spar was dickpunching.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

"Oh my god the vines and leaves came outta my bulb."

Vinewhip and Razor Leaf is just a fancy way of slapping a guy with your dick.

[punchtheflowers.livejournal.com]

Max never looked at a field of flowers the same way again.

"Just... stop talking. Stop thinking about it so hard. It's really not the same as your weird human organs.

And you don't have a bulb. You were a Blastoise."

Oh but look at that, Vinnie's face was getting really red.

[tank-rockarms.livejournal.com]

Oh well, looks like the meowth is out of the pokebag now.

"Blastoise twice, Bulbasaur once."